(c) Paul Wyman, 2024
Procrastination is the experience of having one part of you say "go!" while another says "stop!" The result is the familiar feeling of both pressure to act ("I must get this done today!"), and internal resistance to act ("But I don't want to do it now.").
I have a reflex to judge my own procrastination as a kind of character defect, a close cousin to laziness. But when I can pause my judgment and reconnect with curiosity, procrastination can reveal a surprising amount of insight into my Inner Team.
Next time you recognize that you are procrastinating, pause the inner narrative which makes procrastination wrong, and take a moment to get curious about it.
Here's an example: I've been procrastinating (for months!) about organizing a section of my basement, which will involve repairing a broken storage shelf.
Identify the part that says "go"
Ask yourself: What are the compelling reasons to complete the task I am procrastinating about? Who in me holds these reasons to be important?
Example: There's a part of me that likes order and efficiency, and doesn't want to waste time hunting for items which could be buried in any number of unlabeled boxes. Another part wants me to keep my word that I would get it done.
2. Identify the part which says "stop"
Ask yourself: What bad thing do I fear would happen if I were to complete the task? What am I afraid it might reveal about me?
Example: I'm concerned that I don't have the skills to repair the broken storage shelf the boxes are supposed to sit on. I anticipate that I'll look ignorant and clueless, and maybe dependent if need to ask for help.
The key step here is to thank this "stop!" part for protecting you. Show the part you've heard and registered its concern. Offer it a little inward bow of appreciation for its vigilance. You may notice that it responds in some way to this appreciation, perhaps with a subtle release of tension.
3. Engage your Inner Leader to bring a new perspective
Ask yourself:
What does the "stop" part not know about my current capacity, resilience, or ability? With it's attention so firmly focused on preventing what might go wrong, what does this part not know about what might go right?
What part might I call on that would offer me a resource to complete the task?
Example: My Inner Leader can reconnect me with my Learner part, who is not only comfortable acknowledging what I don't know, but loves learning new skills, like how to repair the shelf. It can also remind my Independent part that not only is it okay to ask for help, but that many people love being helpful.
In addition to the ways procrastination protects you from vulnerable feelings like incompetence, there are two stop/go patterns which occur with the greatest frequency
The responsible adult and the playful child
The Responsible part - which prioritizes your duties, obligations and responsibilities - battles with the Playful part - which prioritizes your present moment wants, desires, and pleasures.
This looks like avoiding a difficult or boring task in favor of an pleasurable one, or conversely, delaying pleasure until all the work is done. When this tension is brought into awareness, it opens up a conversation about how both needs can be honored. What if you could bring a little fun into a responsibility, like playing loud music and dancing while you clean your kitchen?
2. Human Doing and Human Being
The action-focused, doing part (Pusher) prioritizes immediate action; the Being focused part prioritizes rest, renewal and reflection.
This looks like pushing yourself to act now, while suppressing tiredness, and ignoring any considerations of right timing. Being has an innate sense of inner readiness and ripeness, and balance between these two looks like embodying the patience to wait for the right timing to act.
The poet David Whyte captures this tension perfectly: "Procrastination is not what it seems… What looks from the outside like our delay; our lack of commitment; even our laziness may have more to do with a slow, necessary ripening through time."
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